


The Dark Wood

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Related, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-25
Updated: 2011-02-25
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:58:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8106697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: An ‘Investigations’ episode addition. Kathryn does some soul-searching after excluding Chakotay from the plan to expose Seska’s informant. The results are not what she’d imagined.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for CF and the Queensland Flood Relief auction. Many thanks my dear friend for your generosity.
> 
> Hugs and thanks to Kim J for the wonderful beta but I’ve fiddled with it since, so any and all mistakes are mine.
> 
> “ _In the middle of the journey of our life, I found myself astray in a dark wood, where the straight road had been lost._ ” Chakotay quoting Dante in Shattered.

Kathryn exited the turbolift on deck three at the end of another long day. Projecting her usual air of competence and control, she briskly nodded to the few crewmen she passed on the way to her quarters.

Fingers danced across the keypad as she tapped in her door code from memory before she stepped through the opening into her dimly lit living quarters. As soon as the doors closed behind her, her stalwart captain’s stance vanished and heaving a weary sigh, she slumped back against the bulkhead beside the doorway. It took all her effort not to slide to the floor into a crumpled heap and after taking a couple of deep breaths, she pushed away from the wall and placed a steadying hand on the corner of her desk as she tried to quell the uneasy churn in her middle.

She failed miserably and snorting an irritated huff, she reverted to anger to push away the unwanted feelings of frustration and despair.

She shrugged out of her jacket and snatched the pips from her collar before tossing them onto the table. The pins from her hair met the same fate and shaking the restrictive bun loose, Kathryn rubbed at her temples to relieve the dragging pull of having her hair tightly bound for over fourteen hours. All she wanted to do was get as far away as she could from the reality of her captaincy and its unrelenting problems and constant demands. But her wants had long ago become secondary to the necessities of her life as Captain Janeway. As hard as she tried, there was no escaping the harsh reality of her existence.

Exhaustion was her constant companion but an almost solid wall of anger shored up the rising tide of fatigue and after taking another deep breath, she began to pace, muttering to herself, “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”

They had _another_ traitor on board – as if Seska’s betrayal hadn’t been bad enough.

Kathryn shook her head in disbelief.

Who would have ever conceived of the possibility that after the abject horror of being tossed to the far end of the galaxy, they would find amongst them a Cardassian spy, who was now in league with the Kazon Nistrim and, armed with all her intimate technical knowledge of Voyager, hell-bent on destroying them? Kathryn silently cursed Seska and her venal malevolence.

To add to this nightmare, they’d recently uncovered evidence that someone on board was collaborating with Seska, passing on strategic information and putting Voyager and its crew in even greater danger – if that were at all possible.

“Shit!” Kathryn smacked her hand hard against the bulkhead in frustration, then hissed and swore again under her breath as it throbbed painfully. A trip to Sickbay with a self-inflicted injury was the last thing she needed and she cursed herself for her stupidity.

Kathryn rubbed her stinging palm against her thigh, before tucking it under her arm as she moved towards her desk again, only to come face to face with glassy eyed image of her fiancé, Mark. Squeezing her eyes shut, she gritted her teeth. His cheerful smile was a bitter reminder of all she’d lost and the hundreds of lives forever changed because of this unexpected detour to the Delta Quadrant.

Before she could think too hard about her actions, she opened her eyes, picked up the framed image and shoved it into her desk drawer. She couldn’t bear to look at it any longer. That part of her life was over and even if by some miracle they arrived home tomorrow, it would be impossible for her and Mark to pick up where they’d left off.

Too much had happened to her in the Delta Quadrant to slot back into her innocuous lifestyle of bland diplomatic missions and Mark’s tedious faculty get-togethers.

A little over a year had passed since Voyager had been stranded in the Delta Quadrant and what a hellish and life changing fourteen months it had been. Her Earthbound existence seemed so much farther away than the meagre seventy thousand light years they were from home. It felt as though her life belonged to someone else entirely. She wasn’t the same woman anymore and Kathryn had an awful feeling that she never would be.

The constant worry, stress and pressure were wearing her down; slowly but surely whittling away at what was left of the Kathryn-of-old. It was a sad fact that before long, all that remained would be the bitter and unyielding core of the woman she’d once been. The softer more pliant outer covering would be entirely gone, sacrificed to the grim reality of what her life had become.

The steely Delta Quadrant-Kathryn had to survive, which meant the gentler, more malleable Alpha Quadrant-Kathryn would be forced to perish. It was a brutal necessity – a harsh truth of which she’d become grudgingly inured – but necessity aside, she couldn’t help but mourn the loss of the woman she’d once been. She’d rather liked her and sadly regretted her demise. However, her fate had been indelibly written the instant the Caretaker had picked up Voyager and deposited her on the other side of the galaxy. That gentler part of Kathryn was merely another casualty of this bizarre and unforeseen diversion. It was a minor tragedy in the scheme of things, but she couldn’t see any way of avoiding the inevitable outcome. With that thought, she slumped onto her couch and looked out the viewport at the alien stars.

The pressure just never seemed to let up and Tuvok’s plan to expose the traitor was adding an entirely new level of worry to the constant barrage of concerns. Earlier that day, Tom had left Voyager to join the Talaxian convoy – the second phase of his covert mission to infiltrate the Kazon and flush out their most recent traitorous crewmember. The plan so far had been a success but she hated lying to Chakotay and withholding information about the strategies she, Tom and Tuvok had put in place.

She respected the man and was genuinely fond of him. They’d become firm friends and close confidants over their short time as Voyager’s command team, and it didn’t sit well with her to keep him out of the loop. She agreed with Tuvok that the spy was most likely a former Maquis and someone whom Seska trusted. This narrowed the field somewhat, but not enough that they could pinpoint any particular individual.

From the beginning, Kathryn had been uneasy about her Tactical officer’s stubborn insistence that they withhold the details of their undercover operation from her first officer. He was adamant and refused point blank to involve Chakotay. She’d found herself caught between a rock and a hard place and despite having serious doubts about that particular aspect of the plan, she’d placed Tuvok in charge of the investigation and felt compelled to accede to his recommendations.

Tuvok insisted that if they wanted Chakotay’s honest reaction to Tom’s recalcitrant behaviour it was imperative that he be unaware that it was a deception. There had also been some passing mention of protecting her First Officer’s sensibilities and loyalties if the exposed traitor turned out to be someone close to him.

Tuvok’s reasoning was, as always, impeccably logical, but it still rankled and Kathryn knew in her heart of hearts that it was wrong to keep Chakotay in the dark. No one liked to be played for a fool and she had a terrible feeling that the fallout from her apparent mistrust would have far-reaching effects.

The plan had been in place for over a month now and almost from the outset, Chakotay had been wary. He’d approached her weeks ago about Tom’s behaviour but she’d been evasive and airily deferred any disciplinary arrangements to him, but she could tell that he was suspicious. Duplicity wasn’t something to which she usually ascribed, especially when it involved those closest to her. As a result, she’d become edgy and tense; he, in turn, had become guarded and uncommunicative and it was affecting their command.

The man was far from stupid and uncannily sensitive to what was going on around him, particularly, it seemed, where she was concerned.

It didn’t help appease her guilt knowing that Tom had asked that Chakotay be told what was going on. When Tuvok refused to consider the idea, the young pilot had given her a worried look. He’d continued to play his part in the charade, brazen with his smart-mouthed and bratty behaviour, but underneath, Kathryn could tell he was uncomfortable baiting Chakotay and undermining his superior’s position as First Officer. The young pilot had genuinely grown to respect the Commander and she knew he was keen on re-establishing their tenuous friendship when this mission was over.

Tom was now gone and they were on their way to the Hemikek system for supplies. Chakotay’s ‘authentic’ reactions were no longer required so, with that in mind, she’d decided that he had to be told. She couldn’t maintain the pretence any longer; their relationship was suffering and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he’d be understandably outraged if they went through with the entire scheme without telling him of their plans. Chakotay wasn’t going to be pleased to find out he’d been used but if he was left in the dark for any longer, the damage might be irreparable.

She was about to ask the computer for his whereabouts when her door chimed.

Kathryn reached for her jacket but decided she was off duty and well within her rights to be out of uniform. But she did smooth back her hair before she called, “Come.”

The door slid open to reveal her first officer. What had she just been thinking about his uncanny ability to read her mind? It was a slightly unnerving.

“Chakotay, I was about to ask the computer for your location.”

She saw a small flash of surprise cross his features as he noted her hair but he tamed it quickly. “Oh, did you need me for something in particular, Captain?”

“Yes, but I’ll discuss that with you in a moment. What can I do for you?”

“Nothing really, I just wanted see how you were feeling.”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“That’s what you said in your Ready Room, but I thought I’d ask again now that you’re off-duty. I wanted to make sure you were all right after Tom’s departure. As I said earlier, he was one of your personal reclamation projects and it can’t have been easy for you to see him leave.”

Kathryn smiled. “Thank you for being so thoughtful, but really, I’m fine.”

He frowned. “I’m surprised.”

“Oh, why’s that?”

“I just assumed you would be disappointed. I didn’t expect you to be so… accepting.”

Kathryn took a deep breath. “Actually, that’s part of the reason I wanted to speak to you. Have a seat, Commander. Can I get you something?” She did an internal eye roll at her obvious attempt to delay the inevitable and, after making her way over to the replicator, she looked towards him expectantly. “I’m having a coffee, will you join me?”

“Tea, please.”

Nodding, she ordered their drinks and carried them back to the couch. She smiled as she handed Chakotay his mug before taking the seat opposite.

Kathryn sipped her coffee, then leant forward and carefully placed the cup on the coffee table.

Steepling her fingers in front of her for a moment, she contemplated the tabletop but realised how ‘Tuvokian’ she looked and hurriedly rested her hands in her lap. Uncomfortable with that as well, she moved to grasp the armrests of her chair.

Looking up, she found Chakotay watching her with a concerned frown. He leant forward slightly and placed his cup on the table beside hers. “Is there something wrong, Captain and can I help?”

Her hands automatically gripped the chair tighter and she had to make a concerted effort not to groan. The man was just too nice. How he’d ever managed to be a successful terrorist was beyond her. Although, when she thought about it, Seska _had_ infiltrated his crew, not to mention Tuvok.

The man was too damned trusting and it pained her to do this to him. She was about to shatter his illusions about her as well. “Tom is coming back.”

Chakotay sat back in his seat; his look one of blatant surprise. “He’s changed his mind already?”

Kathryn shook her head. “No. He was never really leaving in the first place.”

“I beg your pardon?” There was a flash of something in his look but Kathryn was loath to guess its meaning. She had a very bad feeling about this.

She met his eyes with a steady gaze, although, she had a feeling that he could see past her outer calm to the turmoil beneath. “We have a spy on board Voyager. Tuvok discovered evidence of covert transmissions several weeks ago and we – with Tom’s help – have been investigating who it might be. It appears that someone has been communicating with the Kazon-Nistrim.”

“With Seska?”

“We’re not sure, but we presume so. They’ve been sending tactical information and updates on our movements. We had to find a means of flushing them out and the only way of doing that was to get someone onto a Kazon ship. We decided that Tom was the perfect candidate but he had to have a legitimate excuse to leave Voyager.”

“So you’re telling me that his insulting behaviour, the gambling, being late for duty and mouthing off at me was all a ruse?” Chakotay’s cheeks darkened and his eyes narrowed.

Kathryn nodded, cringing inwardly. Chakotay had every right to be angry; she would have been if their roles were reversed. Holding her breath, she waited tensely for his outburst, but it never came.

He merely sat there staring at her, his expression uncompromising and steely.

She attempted to placate him. “Tom’s reason for leaving the ship had to be plausible so we asked him to behave like a malcontent.”

“That sounds an awful lot like Tuvok talking. He was behind this, wasn’t he?”

“What do you mean?”

“It was Tuvok who insisted that you not tell me about the plan and Tom’s part in it.”

This was couched as a statement not a question, leaving Kathryn the option of letting it ride, however, she was reluctant to implicate Tuvok and felt compelled to say something. Apart from putting another wedge between her first officer and her security chief, it made her look weak. “It wasn’t entirely his idea.”

Chakotay gave a derisive snort. “Yeah, sure.”

His tone was disrespectful and her hackles rose. “We also needed a good performance and we used you to get it. You did a wonderful job.”

“I’m so pleased I could accommodate.” His tone echoed hers but before she could respond, he gave her a brusque nod, stood and began to make his way to the door.

Kathryn didn’t want the conversation to end there. This unhappy impasse was exactly what she’d feared. She stood and took a step or two towards him. “Chakotay, please. I genuinely regret not bringing you into the picture sooner. I apologise.”

“So it _was_ Tuvok’s idea.”

Her nod confirmed it and Kathryn winced inwardly but then stared in surprise as Chakotay laughed.

“I knew it. That conniving old bastard.”

“Commander, that is not appropriate.”

“The hell it isn’t.” He moved back towards her, his anger gone, a cynical sense of amusement taking its place. “Did you happen to ask Tuvok _why_ he felt so strongly about not including me in this?”

“He had his reasons and they were… logical.”

“I bet they were.” His tone oozed sarcasm.

“Commander, would you care to explain? Am I missing something here?”

With a shake of his head, he gave her a mirthless smile. “I think you should ask Tuvok about that. Thank you for the tea, Captain. I’ll see you on the Bridge.”

“Chakotay?”

“Don’t worry, Captain. I won’t let Tuvok or anyone else know that I’m aware of what’s going on.” His eyes hardened. “I will remain your gormless and gullible stooge. You’ll be surprised at how well I can act.” With that parting shot, he turned and strode out of her quarters.

Kathryn was left standing there feeling very much as if she’d missed the entire subtext of that particular conversation. Whatever it was, it left her uneasy and feeling very out of sorts.

She’d bungled this entire operation by allowing herself to be influenced by Tuvok when she knew from the outset that his plan was flawed, and as a result, she’d succeeded in alienating her closest friend.

So much for appeasing her guilt; she felt worse now than she had before and, to add to her troubles, she now had doubts about Tuvok’s impartiality. There was something decidedly off-kilter about this whole situation, and the spy – and his or her capture – had suddenly become the most straightforward element of this entire venture. With her mind in a tangle, filled with thoughts of Chakotay and his implied accusations, she walked slowly to the bathroom.

Standing and staring at herself for a long time in the bathroom mirror, she took stock. It seemed she was off her game; leaning closer to the mirror, she stared hard. Her face was the same one she remembered from a year ago; the same blue eyes, the same broad cheekbones and stubborn chin; for all intents and purposes she was the same woman, but she wasn’t.

Chakotay’s words came back to haunt her. ‘Her gormless and gullible stooge’. He couldn’t be further from the truth and she regretted not telling him as much when she’d had the opportunity.

He was her trusted and valued friend, whom she relied upon for all manner of things. It had been months since she’d thought of him as merely her XO. He was much more than that – _so_ much more. The thought sent a flutter through her followed by a delightful frisson of unexpected comprehension that made her eyes widen in surprise and her breath catch. On the strength of her reaction, she swung away from her reflection, not wanting to see the truth in her eyes. But it was too late; she knew what was there – an incandescent flicker of a very recognisable emotion hidden in their blue depths.

She slammed her hand on the sink top. Oh, crap!

She had to ignore it. There was no possible way she could even contemplate the concept, let alone acknowledge it. To do so would make it real and that would be a disaster. Jolting forward, she leaned into the shower cubicle and turned on the sonics in the vain hope that the noise would drown out the taunting mantra in her head, but it was no use.

She gritted her teeth and stripped off the rest of her uniform but unable to resist the temptation, she turned again towards the mirror and stared.

There it was and there was no denying it. Desire and yearning were clearly evident in the shadowy depths of her eyes. The telltale sparks of both buried behind the now customary emotions of dread and remorse. Oh God, how could she have let this happen? It was a catastrophe.

_She’d fallen in love with her first officer._

Swinging away from her reflection, Kathryn stepped into the cleansing rays of the sonic shower. She wished it could scour the inside of her head and heart as well, and remove the tenacious and unrelenting realisation. Something that – up until that moment – she’d been deftly denying.

A catastrophe indeed.

She closed her eyes and cringed. Why was it that as soon as she felt emotionally vulnerable her inner monologue began to sound like Tuvok? It was too ridiculous for words.

She stepped from the shower and, once dressed in her nightclothes, moved out into the bedroom. It was going to take a concerted effort on her part to overcome this latest hiccup in the rather bumpy and circuitous road that had been her life so far. If she were a cynic at heart, she would have rolled her eyes and accepted that it was par for the course. By trying desperately to put a positive spin on what could only be called a minor to middling calamity, she resolved to cast it from her mind.

The cause was lost before she’d begun.

Sliding between the sheets, she punched her pillow into submission then rolled over and groaned. There in front of her on her bedside table, was another smiling picture of Mark. Without a moment’s pause, she reached up and unceremoniously slapped it facedown onto the tabletop and closed her eyes to try to sleep.

She couldn’t of course. Chakotay’s disappointed face lurked behind her closed eyelids, and she could almost hear his gentle, resonant voice telling her that she should be thoroughly ashamed of herself.

After tossing and turning for half an hour, she climbed out of bed, wandered out to the living area and grabbed a cup of coffee. She took up her vigil by the viewport to stare again at the unfamiliar stars. This was hopeless. She had to clear the air with Chakotay, preferably before they had to face one another for their shift in the morning and before she could think of too many reasons to chicken out.

She tapped her combadge. “Janeway to Chakotay.”

His voice was clipped and cold. “Yes, Captain.”

To counter, Kathryn kept her voice warm and friendly. “Would you join me in my quarters for a cup of coffee? I’d like to discuss this latest issue with you.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Thank you, Chakotay.”

Kathryn frowned. There was no doubt that the dynamic of their relationship had changed. Had she called him to her quarters prior to this, his reaction would have been far more accommodating. Now there was a brittleness and a decided chill in his attitude.

What the hell did she expect?

She cursed herself yet again for not listening to her conscience. She should have ignored Tuvok and involved Chakotay from the outset. It wasn’t like her to be so easily swayed from what she knew was right and it prompted some intense soul searching on her part.

It was also difficult to know how to resolve the dilemma. Her instincts told her to admit that she was wrong but she baulked at doing so and thus weakening her position as captain, but it seemed that Tuvok had already undermined her in that regard in Chakotay’s eyes.

Chakotay’s eyes.

She closed hers and imagined them as they smiled warmly at her across the space between their command chairs or from the other side of her Ready Room desk. She couldn’t even remember what Mark’s eyes looked like, her thoughts had been so filled with Chakotay for so long now that it didn’t even seem out of the ordinary anymore.

She wondered if he was aware of how she felt about him. He was uncannily perceptive to her moods and emotions, so she had to assume that he knew of her feelings. And although the words could never be said – her position as captain making it impossible – perhaps the knowledge of their special connection would be enough for them to survive this glitch in their command relationship. God, she hoped so.

Before she could think anymore about it, the door chimed and she called, “Enter.”

Chakotay stepped through the doorway. He was wearing civilian clothing and carrying a bottle of something – presumably alcoholic. He gave her a grim smile and she felt his eyes rake up and down her body. She was wearing a pair of very demure grey pyjamas – her uniform was more revealing – but there was something in his look that made her insides jolt. Her startled eyes darted up to his and he quirked his eyebrow but said nothing.

Marching over to the cabinet where she kept her tableware, he pulled two tumblers from the shelf and then strolled back towards her.

Kathryn understood what this was about. He was re-establishing the ‘pecking order’, showing her that from now on he wouldn’t be trifled with and also letting her know that if he felt so inclined, he could have her, the ship and whatever else he damn well pleased.

She knew she should have been appalled and angered by this blatant show of machismo but instead she found it invigorating, recognisable and quantifiable. From this point onwards, the playing field was levelled.

He poured them both a couple of healthy shots of liquor and without a word of explanation, handed her a glass. There was no toast or salutation; he simply upended his drink, downing the entire lot in one gulp. Kathryn raised an eyebrow but followed suit, tossing down the spirit in one go. She kept her eyes locked with his and didn’t flinch as the pungent liquor burned its way down her throat.

Chakotay sloshed another couple of fingers in to each glass before he spoke. “What did you want to see me about, _Captain_?”

Again, she didn’t react. If this was some sort of test, she wasn’t going to be cowed or provoked. It was time to put him on the back foot and undermine that sense of superiority.

Kathryn took a healthy swig of her drink before she slowly lowered herself onto the couch. She draped her arm along the backrest, crossed her legs and languidly sank into the cushions. Glancing up, she indicated the seat beside her with a slow nod of her head. “I think under the circumstances you should call me Kathryn.”

He remained standing, slowly swirling the liquor in his glass. “And what circumstances might they be, _Kathryn_?”

The way he said her name was almost indistinguishable from how he’d said Captain and she knew then that the two entities had already merged so completely that they were impossible to tell apart. The thought hit her with a painful stab of melancholy – her earlier musings landing with a thud in her middle as she realised that what she’d so feared had already come to pass. She wasn’t really ‘Kathryn’ any more; the Captain had taken over so completely that even Chakotay saw her as nothing more than a uniformed martinet who had undervalued and manipulated him.

Now she really wanted to cry. She felt completely ridiculous, lolling there in her pyjamas as she clumsily tried to seduce a man who obviously had no interest in her whatsoever. That would teach her. Her plan had backfired before she’d even had the opportunity to implement it. What an idiot.

This entire mess had been her fault from start to finish. If only she’d trusted her instincts and brought Chakotay into the picture from the beginning, and then not fallen in love with him, she wouldn’t be sitting here feeling completely inadequate and out of her depth. It was a pathetic charade and she was so filled with shame that she could barely breathe. Not only was she a pitiful excuse for a captain; she was an even more pitiful excuse for a woman.

Unable to meet his gaze, Kathryn sat up straight and turned away to stare out the window.

Suddenly, he was sitting beside her and taking her drink from her hand. With her bravado and bluster gone, all she wanted to do was escape with what little dignity she could salvage, but there was nowhere to go.

Kathryn could feel his eyes on her, studying her profile, which she knew reflected her turmoil. She felt horribly exposed; her emotions laid bare for him to see and for an instant she hated him for being a part of the reason why this had all come to pass. A lightning shard of anger speared through her and her head snapped towards him. Her body tensed as she readied herself to re-establish the rigid walls of reserve but then her eyes met his and the anger dissipated as quickly as it had come.

She swallowed and, in a voice that didn’t really sound like hers, she tried once more to apologise. “I’m sor…” She was shocked when he gently laid two fingers on her lips to quiet her.

“You’ve already apologised. I know you mean it.”

Her surprise quickly turned to panic when she met his heated gaze and Kathryn wondered if what she was feeling was as openly reflected in her eyes as his feelings were reflected in his.

He was anything but unaffected by her presence. He wanted her; it was written on his face as plain as day.

His fingers were warm against her lips and as she slowly pulled away, his eyes darkened as his fingertips trailed lightly over her chin before his hand dropped back into his lap. She needed to regain some control over this situation. As tempting as it was, there was no way they could act upon these feelings.

Garnering every last scrap of command presence, Kathryn met his gaze but in that same instant all arguments – laudable and lamentable – evaporated from her mind and all she could think to say was, “We can’t…”

Chakotay didn’t even pretend to misconstrue her meaning and appeared wholly unimpressed with her suggestion. “I don’t see why not.”

“It’s against regulations.”

“You forget, Kathryn. I was in Starfleet, too. I know the regs and no such one exists.”

“It’s implied and it would be a disaster for our command relationship.”

“It would be a disaster for our command relationship if we _don’t_ act on these feelings. What do you think is going to happen five, ten or twenty years from now? The crew will slowly pair off, children will be born, and families will grow. Are you going to deny yourself the chance to lead any sort of a normal life out here? It will be the death of you and the beginning of the end of your command if you do. No one, not even you, can live entirely alone and isolated. Besides, I know what a passionate woman you are. It’s written all over you; it oozes from every pore of your being. You need this, Kathryn; as much as I do.”

She shook her head, trying very hard to repel the truth in his words. They were tantalizingly rational and struck right to the heart of her fears. A long and lonely existence awaited her if she continued along this preordained path of captainly virtue.

Kathryn was no stranger to the moral high ground – it was what had landed them here in the first place – but a lifetime of self-sacrifice and righteous servitude to the ideals of a far distant authority was the ticket to an early grave and/or an even earlier mental breakdown.

He was eerily in tune with her needs _and_ she couldn’t deny the good sense of his arguments. She wasn’t a person who was used to being alone and he’d tagged her accurately. She _was_ passionate and loving, and for her to continue to be the vigilant, well-rounded leader that this crew of diverse and extraordinary beings needed, it was imperative that she keep her feet planted firmly on the ground. She needed to lead as normal a life as this epic journey would allow.

Kathryn stared at him for a long moment. He seemed entirely untroubled by the momentous nature of this decision and she supposed that for him it wasn’t a decision he’d had to make. It simply was. She wished she could be as confident about the outcome as he seemed to be.

It went against everything she’d ever learned but there was also a strong streak of pragmatism in Kathryn Janeway and when push came to shove, survival was the imperative. There was really only one choice to make.

However, if she was going to do this, Chakotay had to be aware of the pitfalls. “It won’t be easy.”

“I never said it would be.”

“We’ll disagree. I’m stubborn and opinionated, and I don’t like to be wrong.”

“I’m contrary and obstinate. We should get along just fine.” His face softened into a slow smile.

She studied his eyes for a long moment. “And if we do this, it’s for keeps.”

“No argument there. “

“We can’t afford to let our private disagreements affect our working relationship.”

“They will, but we’ll find a balance. We’re intelligent people, Kathryn, and we love one another. We can make this work.”

They did love one another and when he spoke of it in such an elementary way, it all seemed so simple and attainable but to Kathryn it was still something extraordinary. She whispered almost to herself. “We love one another.”

“Yes, very much.” He smiled at her mystified look.

Kathryn matched his smile but as another potential problem occurred to her, her brow knitted in a frown. “We can’t tell the crew.”

Chakotay shrugged. “I don’t think it will matter one way or the other. They’ll figure it out for themselves – those who don’t already think that we’re together.”

“Some already think that?”

His face broke into a broad grin. “More than you realise. Why do you think Tuvok’s nose is so out of joint?”

Kathryn frowned. “Tuvok?”

“Kathryn, he loves you like a father and he’s known for a long time how I feel about you.”

“You told him?!”

Chakotay shook his head and smiled at her panicked words. “No, of course not, but he’s an observant man. I’d hazard a guess that he also knows how you feel about me and that’s why he didn’t want me involved in the plans to catch the informant. His intention was to put a wedge between us.”

“But he’s a Vulcan, he wouldn’t stoop to something so, so… pedestrian.”

“Where you’re concerned, his logic is a little suspect, although I doubt he would ever admit to it.”

Kathryn was astonished by these revelations but it did explain a lot; Tuvok’s constant interruptions and his uncanny ability to appear when she was alone with Chakotay. With that last thought, her eyes darted to the door of her quarters, half expecting him to appear. “I never would have thought that he was capable of anything so Machiavellian.”

“Logic in the hands of a master is as malleable as any philosophy. Put simply, he doesn’t think I’m good enough for you, and he’s probably right, but the heart chooses what it chooses and we really don’t have much say in the matter.”

Kathryn nodded slowly. “I certainly didn’t.”

He huffed a laugh. “You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”

She smiled at his expression. “If you’d asked me an hour ago, I would have said that it was the worst thing imaginable but you’re a very persuasive man when you want to be. You’d give Tuvok’s logic a run for its money.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Do; it’s bound to come in handy one day. However, Tuvok needs to know about us and I’m the one who should tell him.”

“If we ever want any privacy.”

Kathryn’s smiled wryly at his unerring ability to read her thoughts. “I might also be able to smooth the way for you to improve your rapport.”

“Don’t count on it but I agree that he needs to know. I don’t imagine he’d be all that thrilled if the news came from me.”

“So it seems.” Kathryn heaved a sigh and shook her head. “I suppose I should be grateful that he’s looking out for my interests but I’m going to have to impress upon him that he doesn’t need to protect me from you. I’ll go and speak to him.”

Kathryn made a move to stand, but Chakotay laid his hand on her forearm to stop her. She remained where she was and watched as his fingers trailed down her arm to wrap around her hand.

He smiled gently. “It’s late and I think it can wait until morning.”

Kathryn nodded slowly and smiled. “Ah, yes. Good call, Commander.”

“You’re not expecting to hear from Tom in the next few hours are you?”

Kathryn shook her head. “No, he’s still on the Talaxian convoy but I gave Gamma shift instructions to contact me if there’s anything to report.” A flutter of anticipation began deep in her chest and fanned out like ripples on a pond. Goosebumps trickled down her arms and legs, and she could feel her nipples tighten with the mere thought of what was about to happen. Without realising what she was doing, her tongue darted out to moisten her lips and that flutter became a galloping rush of warmth as she heard him inhale sharply.

Her eyes met his and the raw need in his gaze was enough to make her senses reel but it was also incredibly empowering and the vulnerability she’d experienced earlier vanished in a great wash of love and desire. Her connection with this man, the one she feared would weaken her, had done the exact opposite. His love and faith had emboldened her and filled her with the certainty that together they could accomplish anything and vanquish almost any adversary that stood in their path.

Without even knowing it, she’d found precisely what she needed. With Chakotay by her side, the softer more malleable Kathryn could flourish without fear of crumpling under the weight of responsibility. He would support that part of her, nourish it and she could remain whole.

Feeling emotionally stronger and more invigorated than she had for months, a slow smile spread across her features.

He grinned. “I know that look.”

She raised her brow in question. “You do?”

He cupped her jaw with a hand, his thumb tracing along her bottom lip. “This smile, I know well. You’ve come to a decision.”

“Very perceptive.”

“And?”

“I think you have a pretty good idea what it is. Will you stay?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kathryn; not if I can help it.”

She nodded; it was a promise made within the boundaries of the reality of their lives in the Delta Quadrant and for now, it was the best either of them could offer.

Looking down at their joined hands, Kathryn pulled her fingers from his grasp and slowly slid her hand up his arm, trailing her fingers from palm to shoulder. Her eyes followed the caress until her hand slid around behind his neck. She moved closer, her other hand drifting over his chest, her eyes now riveted to his lips. Edging nearer, she could feel his breath against her mouth and her eyes fluttered shut as their lips met.

Kathryn held her breath, her mind analysing this new sensation, until the warmth of his mouth lit a fire in her belly and she fell forward into his arms. A throaty moan accompanied the movement and he pulled her tight against his chest.

She was at an awkward angle and to right herself, she hoisted one leg over his thighs to straddle his lap. Now she could kiss him properly and with her arms wrapped around his shoulders and her fingers tangled in the back of his hair, she hungrily pressed her mouth to his.

Chakotay pulled her hard against him, his hands splayed over her buttocks and lower back. His erection pressed into her and Kathryn could feel the heat of him through the flimsy layers of her pyjamas – an unwanted barrier that she would divest herself of as soon as it was seemly.

His fingers toyed with the waistband of her pants, his hand slipping past the restrictive elastic, to rub over the cheek of her ass while his thumb strummed the jut of her hipbone and the crease at the top of her thigh. Pulling back, Kathryn took a shuddering breath and met his heated gaze. Suddenly ‘seemly’ didn’t enter into the equation and in one fluid movement she reefed her pyjama top over her head, tossing it aside before she reached for the hem of Chakotay’s shirt, tugging it over his head and throwing it to join hers on the floor. Pressing her breasts against his warm chest, she sighed as she tucked her head against his shoulder to nip and kiss the lightly bristled skin along his jaw line.

He husked words she didn’t recognise against her ear before his head dipped lower and he captured her nipple between his lips. He tugged at it, holding it between his teeth, his tongue flicking back and forth across its pebbled tip as his free hand cupped her other breast. He palmed it, pinching the nipple gently between his fingers as she arched and pushed towards him. The sensations he evoked travelled like fire along nerve endings straight to Kathryn’s groin and she could feel the swelling warmth in her centre as she pressed against Chakotay’s erection.

She needed to see him, so she slid from his lap, stood up and shimmied out of her pyjama pants before reaching out and hauling him to his feet.

His hands skimmed and caressed her body and Kathryn found it impossible to stifle the throaty sighs and shuddering jolts he elicited with his touches. He appeared mesmerised by her responses and muttered quietly, “Beautiful, beautiful.”

Kathryn took a shaky breath and smiled as she struggled briefly with the clasp of his pants. It finally gave way and she pushed them over his hips and down until he could kick them off. They were left facing one another, naked, chests heaving and eyes slowly wending their way down each other’s body.

“You’re a beautiful woman, Kathryn.”

She shrugged. “I’m glad you think so.” Reaching forward, she placed her hand flat against his chest over his heart. It was something she’d done many times but with the thudding beat so close and the warmth of his skin flush against her palm, the connection was electric.

“And you’re an extraordinary man.” Her eyes dropped to his erection, jutting thick and turgid from a wiry nest of dark curls. “Extraordinary.”

He grinned broadly and chuckled quietly before he wrapped his arms around her. “You leave me without a shred of control, you realise.”

She joined in his delight and after rolling her hips seductively against him; she pressed her lips over his heart and whispered, “I love you.”

He shuddered and hauled her tight against his chest before gruffly answering with words she didn’t comprehend but knew echoed hers.

The sensation of flesh on flesh was something that she’d missed more than she cared to admit. The warmth of another body close to hers, the pulsing throb of want and the rush of blood that flushed her skin and sensitised every part of her body, were memories that she’d stifled and ignored until they were all but forgotten. But as his hands stroked up and down her back, and his mouth trailed kisses over her face and neck, the sensations surged to the surface and passion took hold.

They staggered towards the bedroom, lips locked and arms wound around one another, until bumping up against the bed. They collapsed onto the covers and made love well into the early hours of the morning.

* * *

Kathryn rolled over and collided with the naked warmth of another body. For a brief instant, she froze until the memory of the previous evening swan-dived into the middle of her chest and her heart swelled with the utter joy of it. A muscular arm reached for her and she found herself tucked up against Chakotay’s side. She smiled.

He kissed her head and mumbled into her hair. “Tell me we don’t have to get up yet.”

“We have five minutes before the alarm, so make the most of it.”

“Tell you what… Apparently, I’m in good with the captain, how about I have a quick word with her and see if we can take the morning off.”

Kathryn chuckled. “Oh, nice try and _no_! We have a traitor to catch, in case you’d forgotten.”

He opened his eyes and wearing a slight frown, leaned forward to gently kiss her lips. “I haven’t. Although I wish I could.” His frown deepened. “I’m sure it’s one of the Maquis; I just can’t think who.”

“It may not be. There are disgruntled crew on both sides of the divide, it could be anyone and I’m going to keep an open mind until we know for certain.”

Chakotay nodded. “Thank you.”

Kathryn shook her head. “There’s no need to thank me. I think of them all as my crew these days and any betrayal is devastating. I didn’t want to believe it at first, I still don’t, but the evidence is irrefutable.”

“I’d like to see that evidence if I could. I might be able to narrow down the suspects.”

Turning so she was almost lying on top of him, Kathryn nodded. “That’s an excellent idea. I’ll forward it to your office – just make sure that no one else is privy to it.”

“I’ll encrypt it.”

Kathryn nodded. “And I’ll speak to Tuvok later as well. He’s in for a shock but he’ll just have to get used to the idea of us being together. He’s adaptable, I’m sure he’ll cope.”

Chakotay swept his hand down her back and over her bottom. “He doesn’t have much of a choice, but don’t be surprised if he’s not all that thrilled. He’ll have his reservations and I doubt he’ll hesitate about sharing them with you.”

Kathryn shrugged. “Now that I’m aware of his ‘hidden’ agenda, I’ll be ready. We’ll muddle through. It’s what we do best.”

He grinned, dimples showing as his hands cupped her buttocks and pulled her against him. “Oh, I don’t know. I can think of a few other things that we’re pretty good at.”

Kathryn smiled slyly. “Yes, but we’re not going to be discussing those with Tuvok.” Her eyes widened. “Are we?”

Laughing, Chakotay kissed her but then moaned as the computer sounded its alarm.

* _The time is 0600. The time is 0600.*_

Kathryn slid off his body and gave a plaintive sigh. “Computer reset for twenty-four hours. As much as I’d love to stay right here, we have to get to the Bridge.”

Chakotay swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat beside her. “I’ll head back to my quarters. I don’t like our chances of getting to work on time if we share the shower.”

“You’re a wise man, Commander. I’ll meet you in the Ready Room in half an hour for breakfast.”

“It’s a date.”

After one last lingering kiss, Chakotay dressed and left her quarters and Kathryn made her way to the bathroom.

* * *

She studied her reflection in the mirror and a slow smile spread across her features as memories from the previous night flooded her mind. Their lovemaking had been an extraordinary experience. For the first time in her life, she’d found her equal. He matched her passion with a sensuality all his own and he loved her with an intensity that should have frightened her, except that she recognised, and in turn, relished it.

She’d always been somewhat tentative about letting go, constantly holding back the fierceness of her passion for fear of overwhelming her partner. But with Chakotay she felt none of that timidity and revelled in the freedom of being able to express her love and need without any embarrassment. Throwing all caution to the wind, they’d fallen headlong into the depths of a sexual and sensual frenzy that had left them both breathless and not a little sore. Her smile broadened at the memories.

The face looking back at her from the mirror was the same one as yesterday but what a world of difference a day made. The shadowed look had gone from her eyes, there was the distinct glimmer of hope shining from within and she marvelled at the change.

She was no fool though. Their lives would not be simple or straightforward. They had a lifetime of travel ahead of them and they would face challenges and trials on this journey that would shake the foundations of their very being. However, dire predictions aside, she felt whole for the first time in ages and filled with a renewed sense of determination, ready to meet those challenges and overcome them; she knew in her heart of hearts that they would prevail.

Reaching into the shower stall, she turned on the sonics and stepped under their cleansing rays. Today would be their first test. The most important items on the agenda were finding the traitor and getting Tom back in one piece; only then would they concern themselves with Tuvok’s likely dismay at the command team’s new ‘arrangement’.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Kathryn stepped out of the turbo lift onto the Bridge and after a nodded good morning to the Alpha shift, made her way to the Ready Room. A few moments later, Chakotay entered from the corridor carrying a plate filled with a selection of fruits and breakfast offerings, and a large carafe of coffee.

“Good morning, again.”

She smiled as he made his way towards her, and scooping her mug from her desk, she followed him to the upper level.

He placed the plate on the coffee table and her smile broadened.

“I could get used to this.”

“It’s your turn tomorrow.”

“Really? Where’s the love and the abject devotion?”

He turned and held the carafe aloft. “It’s here but if you don’t want the crew to cotton on too quickly, going Dutch is the only way. Having me swanning around you with food and coffee, is a sure-fire way to make them sit up and take notice.”

Kathryn considered his words and then shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it would be worth it.”

He shook his head with a smile. “Have your coffee first and then decide.”

She opened her mouth to retort but her combadge chirped. “Tuvok to Janeway.”

Chakotay eyes met hers and he gave her a knowing look as she tapped her badge. “Janeway here.”

“Captain, I suggest you turn on your monitor and tune into this morning’s episode of ‘A Briefing with Neelix’.”

Both Kathryn and Chakotay moved down to the desk.

Kathryn swung the monitor towards them and turned it on as the door chimed.

“Come.”

Tuvok entered, nodding his greeting, his eyebrow rising slightly at finding Chakotay already there but he said nothing and moved towards the desk to watch the monitor with his commanding officers.

Their resident cook-cum-investigative journalist had uncovered information – erroneous information – that he was broadcasting for all to hear.

_“My friends, I derive no satisfaction from what I am about to tell you. I know I originally promised you that I would only bring you good news. However, I feel it’s important that you know the truth. I have uncovered evidence that casts serious doubt on the loyalties of Lieutenant Thomas Paris. I have discovered secret communications to the Kazon that were sent from his quarters just prior to his leaving the ship._ _There was a series of messages sent to the Kazon for some weeks before his departure, the last…”_

Kathryn turned to Tuvok; her voice like flint. “Get him up here _now_!”

With Tuvok gone, Chakotay turned to meet her gaze.

She gave him a worried frown. “Of all the annoying and meddling… Damn him!” She huffed angrily then controlled her irritation. “Trust Neelix to complicate matters. We’ll somehow have find a way to use this to our advantage.”

“How do you want me to play this?”

Kathryn thought for a moment. “For now, I think it might be simpler if you just pretend you’re still in the dark.”

He nodded and reaching for her hand, gave it a comforting squeeze. “Sure, but be prepared for hefty doses of righteous indignation and anger.”

She smiled grimly. “Followed by my virtuous and mildly patronizing excuses.”

He gave her a nod and an encouraging smile. “It will be okay.”

Kathryn squeezed his hand in return before letting go. “I know but we’re not out of the woods yet.”

Tuvok returned moments later with Neelix, whereupon Kathryn and Chakotay played their parts.

They must have done a reasonable job because Tuvok appeared none-the-wiser to the change in his commanding officers’ relationship. And with Neelix’s enthusiastic help, they were able to instigate a strategy to flush out the traitor.

It all worked to plan. Michael Jonas was exposed as the informant and they managed to bring a satisfactory end to another bizarre and dangerous chapter in Voyager’s journey.

They retrieved Tom and with the information he’d gathered, the ship and her crew were able to avoid a Kazon ambush on Hemikek.

Making a hasty retreat from the sector, they left Seska and the Nistrim to once again curse Voyager, her captain and crew.

Kathryn knew that they hadn’t heard the last of the Cardassian traitor and her cronies but for the moment they were safe and out of harm’s way.

All that needed to be done now was to re-establish the tenuous ties between the Starfleet and Maquis crews, and enlighten Tuvok as to the change in the command team’s status.

* * *

One of the first things Kathryn organised once Tom Paris was released from Sickbay was an informal meeting with Chakotay. She watched them from across the room in Sandrine’s and after a tense few moments, Chakotay slapped Tom on the shoulder and bought him a drink.

She’d told Chakotay that Tom had wanted him to be included in the subterfuge and wasn’t happy when she and Tuvok had decided that he be kept in the dark. Kathryn was relieved to see that the begrudging and long-fought-for mutual respect was once again back on track and with that hurdle overcome, she prayed her meeting with Tuvok would go just as well.

Although, not entirely against the letter of the law, the notion of captains fraternizing with those under their command had always been frowned upon by the upper echelons of Starfleet. It concerned her that if they ever did reach home, both she and Chakotay would be held accountable for this gross breach of protocol. Once this seed was sown, it didn’t take much for ambivalence to start seeping into her thoughts. But in the end, all she had to do was look at the man across the room and the memory of the loneliness and desiccating isolation she would have otherwise faced was enough to quash her doubts. Tuvok would just have to get used to the idea and she had every confidence that he would – in time.

Chakotay, Tom, B’Elanna and Harry were still playing pool and although they’d tried to coax her into another game, she’d begged off, citing a previous engagement. After an encouraging look from Chakotay, she’d left Sandrine’s.

She was now standing outside her Tactical officer’s quarters going over in her mind what she intended to say and mentally preparing herself for his well-concealed but undoubted dismay and disappointment.

Heaving a breathy sigh, she jabbed at the door chime. It was now or never.

The door opened and Kathryn stepped over the threshold into the dimly lit room.

Turning towards the open door, Tuvok stood at parade rest and inclined his head. “Captain.”

“Tuvok, I hope you don’t mind my unannounced visit.”

“On the contrary, Captain, you are most welcome. May I offer you some Vulcan spiced tea?”

Kathryn shook her head. It was going to be difficult enough to tell him her news without having to concentrate on social niceties at the same time. She couldn’t allow herself to be distracted by anything, even tea. “No thank you, Tuvok. It’s late, I won’t stay long.”

With a nod, he offered her a seat, which she took; he sat beside her. “You appeared troubled, Captain. May I be of some assistance?”

Smiling, Kathryn briefly rested her hand over Tuvok’s and gave it a quick pat before she turned towards him. “I have some news. Happy news that I hope you will welcome as much as I do.”

His eyebrow rose a fraction but he said nothing and waited for her to continue.

There was no point beating around the bush so she got straight to the point. “Commander Chakotay and I have begun an intimate relationship and as my third in command, I felt it was my duty to inform you of this change of status and, as my friend, I hoped that you would be pleased for us.”

He didn’t move a millimetre, which was more than a little troubling. It was a rare sight to see a Vulcan lost for words.

When he hadn’t said anything for a full half a minute, Kathryn prompted him. “Tuvok, please say something.”

Placing his elbows on his knees, he steepled his fingers in front of him and Kathryn braced herself for his reaction. The ‘steepled finger stance’ never boded well and she figured that it was a fair indication that he wasn’t going to be giving her his wholehearted approval, but she’d been wrong before and hoped that this was one of those instances.

Finally he looked up and met her gaze. “This eventuality was not unexpected.”

“And…”

His brow creased a fraction, giving him a mildly irritated look – in a Vulcan sort of way.

“Captain, if you feel that this affiliation will enhance your ability to command Voyager and not in any way jeopardise the safety or wellbeing of those on board, I have no other option but to sanction your choice.”

It was hardly the unbridled endorsement she’d been hoping for but his reaction was hardly a surprise and she’d been prepared for worse. Kathryn nodded and gave him a grim smile.

“I understand your misgivings, Tuvok; initially I had similar reservations but as time has marched on, the onerous and unrelenting task of captaining Voyager has begun to wear me down. Not putting too fine a point on it, I need Chakotay and his steady and loving support. I can’t do this alone and, although I also have yours and the crew’s help, I require some semblance of a normal life away from the Bridge and, as a Human, I need the regenerative benefits and nurturing that a close loving relationship provides.”

“The commander loves you.”

“Is that a question or an observation?”

He blinked once before answering. “The latter.” Again he paused before he continued. “I have been aware, for some time, of the commander’s profound attachment to you. His ability to camouflage his emotions is not one of his more stellar attributes.”

Kathryn couldn’t help a small smile from softening her look. Chakotay was right; Tuvok had known.

He was still watching her. “And I gauge from your demeanour, that you reciprocate those affections – a consideration that has also concerned me for some months. You are aware, Captain, that this liaison goes against Starfleet protocol and I will be forced to make a formal entry into the logs alluding to this breach of prescribed procedure.”

Kathryn was sorry that Tuvok couldn’t see past his prejudices but she knew in time that he would come to accept the situation. Vulcans were adaptable – just not quite as adaptable as Humans.

“You do what you have to do, Tuvok, but we may be out here for a very long time and as hard as it is for me to admit, I’m not indestructible and I need this. I don’t expect you to understand but I trust Chakotay with my life and with my heart. We are committed to each other for life.”

He stared at her again. “Yours and the commander’s diligence is commendable, however; life in the Delta Quadrant is tenuous at best. Have you considered what might happen to you and your ability to captain this ship if the Commander were to perish along the way?”

An invisible hand squeezed her heart but she schooled her features and refused to be goaded into an emotional display. Tuvok was playing Devil’s advocate but she knew him well enough to have predicted this line of questioning. “Yes, I’ve considered it every day for most of the time we have been out here but that speaks to the heart of the matter, Tuvok. It’s immaterial whether or not the Commander and I are in a relationship; I love him and would be devastated by his loss. But what I do know for a fact is that if he were to die and I _hadn’t_ told him how I felt, the grief would be almost unbearable. As clichéd as it sounds, at least now, if the worst were to happen, I have the memories of our time together to carry me through my grief.”

A small frown marred his brow. “Your logic is sound.”

“I’ll take that as the first small step towards your reluctant acceptance of the situation.”

His jaw tightened slightly and he looked at her candidly. “Another impediment exists, however. If in your lifetime we are successful in our quest to return to the Alpha Quadrant, you may be forced to hand over the Maquis to the authorities. Your impartiality may come into question.”

Kathryn thought to herself that it wasn’t only _her_ impartiality that was questionable but she refrained from saying anything. Instead, she once more appealed to his sense of logic. “Tuvok, I’m well aware of the pitfalls of this relationship – of any relationship – considering our circumstances; it’s why I’ve fought against it for so long. I know that you feel that even though Chakotay is Starfleet trained, his Maquis ties and differing ideological background contrast too widely with my experiences. But to me, these very differences are the substance that adds strength to our command and personal partnership. We complement each other by filling the gaps in one another’s philosophies and command styles. If you want to be logical about it, we are the embodiment of Vulcan’s most revered edict – we are an infinitely diverse combination.”

He had been watching her intently and now she waited for his reaction. She wasn’t disappointed.

“You make a compelling argument, Captain.”

“Perhaps, but I didn’t come here to justify my decision, Tuvok.” She wanted him to know that no matter what he thought, she would not change her mind. The captain was speaking now. “I came here as a courtesy to tell you of the commander’s and my relationship. I would hope that you could find a level of acceptance but if not, I would ask you to respect our wishes and our privacy.”

Looking slightly chastened, Tuvok nodded. “Aye, Captain.”

“We have been friends for a long time, Tuvok, and I have relied on your logic and counsel for many years; I hope that I still can.”

“My commitment to you and Voyager is remains unassailed, Captain.” There was a heartbeat’s pause before he added, “And as your friend, I extend my congratulations.”

“Thank you, Tuvok. I know there’s a big ‘but’ that follows that statement; however, for now, I think that it’s advisable that we leave our conversation at that point.” She stood and he followed suit. “I appreciate your time and patience. I’ll see you on the Bridge tomorrow.”

She began moving towards the door but before the opening mechanism triggered, Tuvok addressed her once more. “Captain… _Kathryn_.”

She turned, surprised by his use of her first name but curious. “Yes, Tuvok.”

“If your relationship brings you joy and confidence, I applaud your commitment to one another but I would ask you to pass on a message to the Commander.”

“Certainly.”

“Tell him that I offer him my congratulations, however, if he should ever hurt or harm you in any way, I will kill him.”

Kathryn stared in shock and then had to fight the overwhelming urge to cry. Chakotay had been right again; Tuvok’s paternal protectiveness was the reason for his ambivalence – so much for logic – the old fraud. Unable to stop herself, she took several paces back towards the stolid Vulcan and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close. “Thank you, Tuvok. I love you, too, and I’ll be sure to tell him.”

Stepping away from the now obviously disconcerted Vulcan, Kathryn gave him a beaming smile before turning and marching out the doors into the brightly lit corridor. It was all she could to not whoop for joy and after huffing a laugh, Kathryn made her way back to her quarters. It wouldn’t take Tuvok long to come to terms with this change once he saw how happy she was and the positive consequences of her new life. It wasn’t all going to be sunshine and lollipops – Kathryn was no fool – but, as the saying went, together she and Chakotay were greater than the sum of their parts, and they would make it work.

* * *

As she walked through the doors of her quarters, her smile broadened. Chakotay was there and without a word, he moved towards her, his eyes studying her face intently, trying to read how her meeting with Tuvok had gone.

She kissed him, then pulled back and cupped his cheek. “It’s okay. You were right; he knew how we felt about one another. He’s not thrilled that we’re together but that’s no surprise.” She shrugged. “He’ll get over it.”

Chakotay’s eyebrows rose a fraction. “Did he have anything to say to me?”

Kathryn’s shoulders dropped in disbelief and her hand landed with a thud on his chest. “How the hell did you know?”

“Just call it male intuition.” He smiled wryly. “Okay, what did he say?”

“He offered his congratulations…”

“And…”

“said that if you ever hurt or harmed me, he’d kill you.”

“I wouldn’t have expected anything less.” Chakotay held her gaze for a long moment before he took her lips in a soul-wrenching kiss. He eventually pulled away, leaving her breathless but his eyes never wavered from hers. His voice resonated deep in his chest and, pressed up against him, she could feel as well as hear the words. “And I would die first.”

The depth of his devotion shook her to her soul and words seemed inadequate to convey what she felt. Rather than speak, Kathryn kissed him. Her arms snaked around his shoulders and she dragged his head down towards her. With her body flush against his, her fingers wove through his hair and she emptied her heart into the kiss.

She finally wrenched her mouth away to gasp, “Oh god, I want you so badly, I can barely think.”

“Then don’t.” He hoisted her into his arms, swung around and pushed her up against the bulkhead beside the replicator.

His mouth was on hers again and his hands had found their way under her tee. As he cupped her breasts, his tongue plunged past her lips to delve and taste. All coherent thought fled from Kathryn’s mind.

The hard ridge of his erection pressed into her sex, and even through the barrier of their uniforms, she could feel the heat of him. Her hips thrust and ground against him and he countered with grinding lunges that sent her helplessly soaring towards climax.

She was going to come and she hadn’t even had a chance to remove her pips yet, let alone any clothing. The tell-tale shards of impending orgasm travelled like lightning through her body, the heated frissons causing her to writhe and thrash against him. The man was incredible. His hot breath burned wet against her neck as he licked and suckled at the sensitive skin beneath her ear, his hands and fingers playing across her back and breasts, leaving her nipples erect and straining for his touch.

She barely caught her breath before her orgasm hit. Kathryn howled his garbled name to the universe as her body jolted and arched against him. He held her as she strained, breathless, her face caught in an agonal grimace of ecstasy, her mind awash with brilliant white.

As the rigor released her, she slumped against him only vaguely aware that he was carrying her into the bedroom.

He laid her on the bed and through hooded eyes, Kathryn watched him shrug out of his clothes before squirming in delight as he caressed her body and removed her uniform. Moments later she was in his arms again and the delicious torture began anew. As he kissed his way up her body, Kathryn threw her arms over her head and surrendered to the exquisite pleasure of his lovemaking.

* * *

The following morning when Kathryn rolled over and bumped into the firm, warm body in her bed, she merely smiled. Her dreams had been filled with visions of them back in the Alpha Quadrant, walking the roads and trails around her home in Indiana. It had seemed so real and so attainable, and she took the dreams as an omen that they would prevail and eventually find their way home.

While still in that mellow half-awake world, she made a silent promise to herself that she would take him there one day and make her dream a reality. Nestled close to Chakotay’s side, her head resting on his solid shoulder, Kathryn closed her eyes once more and grasped the last fleeting images of her dream, committing them to memory before they faded away.

His lips caressed her forehead and she snuggled closer. There were still a few moments before the alarm and Kathryn took the time to revel in the joy and fulfilment of her new life – the one she’d travelled half the galaxy to find. Turning her head, she kissed his chest and felt him inhale deeply.

Neither of them knew where this journey would take them, but home loomed on the far horizon and their love would help light the way.

His warm breath ruffled her hair. “Good morning, my love. Sleep well?”

“Hmmm. You?”

“Uh huh.”

Their voices were still gruff with sleep.

Kathryn sighed. “The mornings come too quickly.”

“You could always give yourself the day off.”

“And my first officer too, I suppose.”

“I could run it past him.”

She chuckled. “Sorry, Commander. Duty awaits.”

The computer chimed. _*The time is 0600. The time is 0600.*_

He moaned. “And I hear her siren call.”

Throwing the covers back, Kathryn slithered over his body, kissed him deeply before grinning and jumping to her feet on the far side of the bed. She turned to look at him.

It would be so easy to simply climb back into bed but she consoled herself with the knowledge that this was merely one morning in a lifetime of mornings of waking up beside him. With a warm smile, she extended her hand to help him up.

“You make it difficult to say no, Chakotay, but the anticipation is half the fun. Just think about tonight and keep your eye on the prize.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he groaned as his eyes raked over her body. “Thanks for that. Now how am I going to get through my shift? Tuvok’s not going to be happy if I can’t stand up all day for decorum’s sake.”

Kathryn quirked her brow and eyed his erection. “Ah, but it would keep a smile on my face. Although, if it’s a problem, I could assign you to the Mess hall to help Neelix.”

“Uh, no thanks. Just the thought of spending an entire shift with Neelix has fixed the problem.”

Tossing him a towel, Kathryn grinned over her shoulder. “See you in the shower?”

He jolted to his feet and just as she’d made it to the bathroom door, he’d caught up to her and wrapped his arms around her. With his chin on her shoulder, he whispered in her ear. “I’m right behind you.”

Kathryn laughed. “So I see. Computer, water shower, usual temperature.”

Together they slipped into the cubicle and into each other’s arms.

* * *

With five minutes to spare, they stepped off the turbo lift onto the Bridge and after a cheerful good morning to the Alpha shift, made their way to the command deck and their respective chairs.

Kathryn turned to Ops. “Anything to report, Ensign?”

“Nothing on sensors, Captain; it looks like plain sailing for the time being.”

“Let’s hope you’re right, Harry. Tuvok, anything?”

“Negative, Captain. The ship is running at ninety-six percent efficiency and all systems show a green light.”

“Excellent.”

Kathryn settled back into her seat and activated the central console. She’d barely begun scrolling through the night shift’s reports when her combadge chirped. _“Sickbay to the Bridge .”_

“Janeway here. What is it, Doctor?”

_“It is my pleasure to report that Ensign Wildman has gone into labour.”_

Kathryn glanced towards Chakotay before enquiring, “How is she, Doctor?”

_“Everything is moving along very nicely. I’ll keep you updated.”_

“Thank you, Doctor, and please give her our best wishes.”

 _“Aye, Captain.”_ A pained groan in the background cut through the transmission just before the EMH snapped, _“Sickbay out.”_

Kathryn heaved a sigh. “Well, here begins a new page in Voyager’s history – our first baby.”

Tuvok added dourly. “And undoubtedly not our last.”

Kathryn’s gaze snapped towards him but she couldn’t read anything in his look. She gave him a slow nod. “A generational ship. It wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I started out from Deep Space Nine, but I guess Starfleet captains don’t get to choose their missions, it seems the missions choose them.”

Tuvok’s looked up. “A novel way to interpret our situation, Captain. Not entirely accurate but…”

Kathryn glared at him. “Yes, Tuvok…”

“… but perhaps apropos.”

“Thank you.”

She noticed Tuvok’s gaze shift to look past her shoulder and slowly turning her head she caught a glimpse of Chakotay’s wry smile. It appeared there was still some way to go before her two commanders saw eye to eye but at least there was a small degree of communication.

Kathryn turned back towards the viewscreen and the splash of stars streaking across the expanse of darkness. She took a moment to send a silent apology to the small being making its way into the world five decks below. There was no guarantee that life would be easy for Voyager’s first born but looking around the room at the expectant faces of the Bridge crew, she knew this child would be loved and nurtured, and what else could anyone ask for in life?

Taking a deep breath, she turned to Chakotay and gave him a shrugging smile. He knew where her thoughts were taking her and later, when they were alone, she would tell him of her fears and concerns but for now, she girded her loins, let the look of competent captainly control fall into place and smiled.

Today would be a good day.

Fin.


End file.
